Barbie Pink "I Lovingly Reject Your Apology" Hat
Like most people, I saw the Barbie movie. And, like most people, America Ferrera’s monologue made me feel so incredibly seen and put a point on the emotional whiplash of womanhood. This wonderful monologue really embodies the overuse of “sorry”. If “we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong”, we’re left with a disparity that feels like it's somehow our fault and we should be sorry.
Apologizing for not meeting the ever-demanding, ever-contradictory expectations of a society and world that continues to undervalue women-- especially women of color and trans women.
And, lovingly, fuck that.
I’ve made my Barbie Pink hats a permanent part of my store, because, yes, they’re super cute, but also, like the Barbie movie, I hope they remind us of the inherent value of all women.
To every woman apologizing in some way for not being someone else’s idea of “perfect”, I lovingly reject your apology.
It started with my clients. So often they would tell me some variation of :
“I’m sorry I’m repeating myself.”
“I’m sorry but can we meet again this week?”
“I’m sorry for crying.”
And every time I heard “sorry” I wanted to lovingly shake my sweet clients, because I sure as hell wasn’t sorry and I was sad that they were. I was sad that they were apologizing for some part of their experience that was likely out of their control and/or something that in no way warranted an apology. I was sad that the generic response to “I’m sorry” of “It's OK” felt like I was enabling them to continue this pattern. Or, worse, that I was green lighting it. That I was saying, “Yes, you should be sorry and I accept your apology.”
I wanted no part of it.
I wanted my clients to be able to own their experience and their needs, without shame. But how? The responses of “Stop apologizing” or “There’s no need to apologize” didn’t feel right. They also feel as normalized as saying “sorry” as a filler word is. I wanted a response that was different. Something that signaled that not only is an apology not needed, it is something that I don’t condone.
So “I lovingly reject your apology” was born. It was my way to saying “abso-fucking-lutely not” to this normalized acceptance of how we use “sorry” all the time. It was my way of challenging the use of the word and the meaning behind it. Are you really sorry for asking for what you need? And if so, why? How often do you say that you’re sorry? Are you apologizing for something that is out of your control entirely? How often does that happen?
My hope with this hat and with this phrase is that it serves as a reminder for you, and anyone who reads it, to be mindful of how you use your language. And that, lovingly, you don’t need to apologize for being human and having needs.
PRODUCT DETAILS
100% chino cotton twill
Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile
6 embroidered eyelets
3 ⅛” (7.6 cm) crown
Adjustable strap with antique buckle
Light pink colored hat with darker pink wording on the front, plain back
All sales are final.